Thursday, April 29, 2010

"i KNOW you're ready!"

big, fat old testament exam this morning.
i started studying on monday {SO not like me}.

i woke up at 5:30 in the am, and made my way to starbucks to secure everything in my brain.
i fell down on the sidewalk outside. i guess my eyes were still adjusting to the early hour.
bff's response when i told her: "omg! was your computer ok?!" {we are so alike in this way of thinking...i stick my arm out to protect my computer when i have to slam on the brakes while driving}
this was my recap: "only my hand, my toe-nail polish, and my pride were hurt."

anyway, now for a visual on how i felt leaving the classroom post-exam...

and now i am enjoying marin coffee roasters in san anselmo. delish.
free wi-fi. cappuccino. lots of light and windows. and this nice little touch...
flowers make me smile.

i love thursdays.
after work, i have my dance class at the gym. so ready. i just love it.
and then i have the night to myself.
no homework. no responsibilities.
i plan to light the candles. cook myself some din din. read just a little {for pleasure}. and watch you've got mail in its entirety. 

Monday, April 26, 2010

love of my life

i'm sorry. i'm kind of emotionally drained and i'm losing my zeal.
so maybe we can expect fewer posts, and the ones you do see will be much more light-hearted.

here are a few photos from yesterday's solo advenutre:

in case you hadn't figured it out...
this. is. bliss.
{and i find the name of the field completely appropriate}

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

it touches my foolish heart

i was struggling to find a photo to put on today's blog, and as i was looking through a ton of photos, boyfriend {on the phone} said, "choose that one." so this is the one.

whew! this day has officially been dubbed "wild wednesday!"

my hump day in summary:

woke up at 7:30 to have breakfast, get ready, and turn in a paper.

unexpected butt-kicking.
scary surprise at the gym that conjured up feelings of intimidation, fear, and pain. pretty sure my body is going to be telling me how much it hates me tomorrow.

goals and aspirations.
finally something that i can think about and put my thoughts, effort, and heart into! fingers crossed that everything will work out.

i love my job. it makes me happy every day.

girl talk with my little friends at church.

currently sitting in the dark {with a little candlelight} in my sweats. watching my best friends wedding.
{for me this movie is like a favorite dish- you know, the one you've eaten a million times, without ever actually growing tired of it. it's what you order when you want something that has no hope of disappointing. i've been craving my best friend's wedding lately}.

"yes you're lovely, with your smile so warm and your cheeks so soft. there is nothing for me, but to love you, and the way you look tonight."
{frank sinatra}

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

linings made of silver, folded inside each rainy cloud

WARNING: this is long. but i had an experience. and i make no excuses or apologies for it. read if you're willing.

Rumor had it, Tuesday would be rainy.  I went to bed with a hope for sunshine, that I might have a chance at walking along the Golden Gate Bridge.  At the sound of my 7:30 wake up call, I immediately rose to check the forecast:
  light rain ending at 9:00, thunderstorms starting at 11:00.
This provided the perfect window of opportunity to head out on a little adventure.  I arrived at the Marin Headlands in a lively pony-tail, ratty t-shirt, maroon shorts, leggings, and my sorry excuse for tennis shoes.

As I set out, the look of the bay and the sheer majesty of the bridge completely filled me- mind, heart, and soul.  Passing signs sharing messages of "hope" and phone numbers of people you can talk to, I felt so relieved at the hope I have. Unfailing.  Then my mind quickly wandered to the city standing before me.  I saw the Marina, the Palace of Fine Arts, the Transamerica building.  They beckoned. "Jordan, you know you want to.  You're already on your way."  It wasn't long before I embraced these ideas.  I thought to myself, "you can just walk over to Crissy field, walk around, look and enjoy!"  Excitement flowed wildly through my veins.

Suddenly, my body was taken over by a gust of wind so powerful, I quickly looked for something to hold onto.  Not only this, but my face began to feel wet.  As I approached the city, so close to the bridge's end, I squinted my eyes, in hopes of reading the clock above the center toll booth.  "It can't be 11:00 already," I thought!  The clock read 8:45.  Dilemma.  Do I risk it, and press on in my journey?  Do I turn around?  The wind began to pick up, and the rain was beginning to hurt.  The humble drops I had prepared for now seemed to be tiny bullets being shot at my face.

I turned around, and began my journey home.  I remember nothing of the bay or the majestic bridge on which I tread.  Only the mighty wind and the numbing fear of the approaching storm.  I passed others, who exchanged with me a glance that read, "Are we crazy??"  "Perhaps," I thought.  My brisk walk quickly turned to a run.  I took off, trying so hard to remember my core and the form of my body- this was supposed to be an exercise after all.  My mood was shot.  Discouragement quickly set in.  Disappointment flooded my mind at the thought of my failed plans.  Little girl losing herself in a big city, yet again- this was not a dream easily repressed.

Then, out of nowhere, I noticed an altering shift in my surroundings.  The sky turned to a perfect shade of blue, graced with white, cotton-like clouds, without being consumed.  As the clouds parted, I lifted my hands of ice and removed my hood, only to see the mountains shining before me, basking in the glory of the sun.  And I turned once more to look at my city, engulfed in shades of gray.  "Another day," I said.  This rain will end.  And summer is on the horizon.

i snagged this photo after i made it back to my car. lovely.

Monday, April 19, 2010

i had a dream i stood beneath an orange sky


i want to be better.
i'm good. but i want to be better.

i want to cook. thanks, christina :)
i want to have a home {even if it is a studio apartment}.
i want to zumba.
i want to take pictures. good ones.
i want to drink water.
i want to garden.
i want to learn {not just finish my homework}.
i want to use lotion.
i want to be as in love with overcast as i am sunlight.
i want to write letters {and receive them}.
i want to embrace life.

the world is mine.
the world is ours.

i want to be better for myself. i want to be better for others.

"in your love my salvation lies."
{alexi murdoch}

Sunday, April 18, 2010

boy, you got me

adventure day.

maybe not the best photo, but whatevs...the sun was going down...i was in a hurry!
also, i would just like to add that the only editing i did was a little snip snip {crop and rounded edges}.
when dealing with sunsets/rises, i try not to edit the coloring at all. promise.

church {so good}. sunshine {and lots of it}. boy. solo adventure. long drive. windows down. jason mraz {delish}. nickel creek. flaming hot cheetos {a guilty pleasure that i'm "loving out loud"}. golden gate bridge. sunset. city. phone date with mom. the grove. blog life. really fantastic accents next to me.

one of those days that you just have to stop and smile about.

"you looked like the sun, i was the only one who could stare until you were done shining on me."
{joshua radin}

Thursday, April 15, 2010

who needs shelter from the sun?

tonight i'm hanging with the boys.
this means:
call of duty
inappropriate music
dogs...and the hair that falls off the dogs
and just enough time for blogging and nail painting
{by hanging i mean...i'm mom to two fifth graders for the night}

putting my thoughts on page.
and leaving them there.

"good-day sunlight. i'd like to say how truly bright you are. you don't know me, but i know you, see, you're my favorite star. follow you i will so let's get moving."
{jason mraz}

i've definitely watched this 3 times this week.
cried every time.
and bought the soundtrack.
do it. you won't regret it.

i just love this.
it has a special place in my heart.

More fun music on iLike

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Monday, April 12, 2010

i'll try for your love

okay so...question:
what do you do when you have
just TOO MANY thoughts?

my tendency is to make myself super busy so that i don't have to think.
is this healthy? do i need to embrace the thoughts/feelings? or is there a certain point when i can say:
enough is enough{!}?

words of wisdom?? do any of you do this? how do you deal? any non-thinking hobby suggestions??

go to sleepy little baby

do any of you ever wake up from a good sleep with a ton on your mind?? it's like everything is magnified by 50 billion in those moments. 
every worry, every stress, every emotion. gag.

and being up when no one else is awake to talk to you? ugh...straight up misery

dear nyquil: please kick in.

Sunday, April 11, 2010


date night with myself.
i watched away we go.

i crieda lot.
ridiculous, intense, continual tears.
not bc it was sad, but bc it was sweet.
i guess i felt a connection to the film, and saw something i want.

now i see clearly
it's you i'm looking for
all of my days
so i smile
i know i'll feel
this loneliness no more
all of my days
for i look around me
and it seems you've found me
and it's coming into sight
as the days keep turning into night
as the days keep turning into night
even breathing feels alright
{alexi murdoch. featured artist in the away we go soundtrack. current obsession.}

new week. cross your fingers.

Thursday, April 8, 2010

this could be the start of something new

so it all started yesterday, when my bff asked me this one simple question:
"well...when was the last time you had sushi?"

i thought about it, and had trouble remembering.
this did not please me.

a few texts later, i had plans with a couple of my friends to meet up in the city for sushi. turns out our spot was closing just as we arrived, but they let us place a to go order, which we wound up eating in subway. random.

then we decided...we should probably karaoke. {duh!}
so we made our way over to the mint, and began deciding what we would be performing...

so many options.
but deep down, we all knew what we wanted had to sing.

sarah and jon: i want it that way {backstreet boys}
sarah: any man of mine {shania twain}
jon: follow me {uncle cracker}
jordan: you make my dreams {hall & oates}

...hee hee hee...

ps. before you judge, i just want you to turn on hall & oates and just TRY NOT DANCING!
also...yes i did in fact go to a karaoke bar in jorts and a tshirt. wow. but hey that's what happens when you live impulsively!

this was the first time i've ever karaoked...and i must was kind of exhilarating...

happy thursday.
much love.

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

floating on the breeze

i'm listening to nickel creek this morning. this side is such a good album.

it brings back so many feelings. reminds me of all the warm summer nights in oklahoma. driving with the windows down. everything was familiar. just me, some really great music, and the open road. delight.

"it's foreign on this side, but it feels like i'm home again. there's no place to hide, but i don't think i'm scared."
{nickel creek}

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

paint me in your sunshine

weekend/beginning in review:

i do really well when i choose to be alone. i'm a total girl when i don't.

duffy just might be the greatest hot-tub companion in the world.

if i go into h&m and then proceed to try on, i will definitely not be leaving empty handed. done deal.

i like brussel sprouts.

paul's amberales + sunlight + chocolate covered sunflower seeds + good conversations about tupac and missy elliott 
= perfection.

dinner parties with a bunch of strangers can be so much fun.
{well...strangers + 1 really great family + 1 completely FAB friend}

so ready to make at&t park my 2nd home again this summer.

watching {eh hem} someone attempt to wear a coffee mug as a ring is enough to make me cry...from laughter.

watching that same someone carry my heart to such new and amazing places might also be enough to make me cry...for different reasons.

"why be alone when we can be together baby? you can make my life worthwhile, i can make you start to smile"
{mr. big}

Friday, April 2, 2010

you are my sunshine

"jordan, i feel alone." and me both, girl.

"i'll hold his hand in secret."

kind of having one of those mornings.
so i'm cuddling up on the sofa with my favorite little frog.
enjoying a big cup of coffee, the falling rain, and the lion king.

i love the way kids can make everything
moonlight and canoes

"he's holding back he's hiding, but what? i can't decide. why won't he be the king i know he is, the king i see inside."
{the lion king}